AVENGERS : CIVIL WAR: A High A-

For once an Avengers movie started with a short film and moved to a mission to get things rolling the traditional ways. This film was one of them. (Thankfully)

Sad to say there is a standard 911 joke buried in the first act which is expected to get a laugh. Laughing is encouraged, because there is a move to the 4th 911 reference early in the picture.

Fuck everbody.

Yeah. This is a picture. It’s a solid A- with Africa proudly proffering the idea that Black Panther is your worst nightmare; the one with all the Iron Man. (Black Panther)

Spiderman has what may be the first realistic New York accent both in present day and in reality; New York is a monster, but at least the writing is good for Parker. Parker is Parker, and that’s what’s important. Small probably with a tall girlfriend.

On a side note, Captain America is watching MSNBC and the Scarlet Witch continues to be awesome with an awesome Vision Scarlet Witch scene which is thing.

The opening mission is awesome.

And it’s awesome to seen a Psych. van going nowhere fast, playing second fiddle to Blue, because that’s the future.

Certain problems from Winter Soldier continue like please tell us to what extent is Cap. invinsible and like asphalt and can punch metal. Considering that Vietnam was so successful as to remember Korea and Desert Storm in both directions in the space-time continuum, which, though it is riddled with Stinger Missiles in the 80’s, still takes Iraq and Afganistan to get Terrorists to take on people with no body-armor by choice. (Ipso Facto Vietnam) Considering that Vietnam was so successful, playing Cap. and other Super Soldiers as miniature Hulks is just how its gonna be.

Avengers? Good sound sleeper cell movie with several exciting plots and plot structures. It doesn’t have to start in the middle of a mission since the story is usually what is evil doing. (Not the Avengers)

Okay. Sarcasm off. The Scarlet Witch is hot. There is a nuclear drone. But this isn’t Batman ruled by Superman. This is the Avengers. It’s too bad people care this much. The second greatest running scene behind Superman and the train is in this film. (Super Soldiers)

CAPTAIN AMERICA: WINTER SOLDIER : Michelle Obama Writes

This Captain America movie is a Blockbuster despite being half a Billion short at the boxoffice. A lot was going on. The Ukraine was only just starting to blow up. All that. As usual for the Americans it was covered. The film ends with a mention of Kiev.

The point is this movie is better than it seems. We know. So what went wrong? Well a lot. It started like an Avenger movie instead of a Captain America one to start with. Or not or the opposite! Let’s begin.

It should have started in a gale.

So the movie did begin with dialogue between Black Widow (yes! and Cap. What? Problem? It didn’t? Seeing the magnetism of the shield? Physics? Skip? Yes. The intro. of Falcon would then double the Red Herring potentially and make some stirring Soapbox stuff really sing in the modern era, adding lots of suspense.

The writing is racist. N.J. Fury dies amid well done play-acting and then we see Two black cops in the mis-en-scene. I mean come on! His Punisher III scene is undercut by the fact that he’s driving a Stark O.S!

Not that the film is flawed; it’s not quality. Don’t trust anyone, etc. are all in there; it’s just like Michelle Obama was writing and didn’t want to overwhelm any perpetually overwhelmed orphans! Waiting for vicarious to ever, ever become visceral only happens in the movies!

Un-triple-forunately, the film is required, because its about how to fly a False Flag which is part of the State Apparatus. Plus, the French, read Algerian, are the baddies because of the stealing of the bomb and that’s why there are no flying Aircraft Carriers, etc. Plus, it’s a good peak into living life as a spook which is a good way to make it.

But no. The bad Romanov performance does not save the flaw of opening with the wrong scene as the suspense is broken. However, Scarlet Johanson joins Lilly Sobieski in best performance of a sociopath. (Her’s legal: Sobieski’s 88 minutes)

If the first scene was like the second or third, we could say Falcon is the winner for best socio. path, which he is, but now we can’t. But required.

Chris Evans shoulderless, smiless, Cap. gives an awesome Hydra speech and Anarchy begins.

So there is stuff; it’s just they needed a bit more Luthor colon, colon, colon title performance, colon, performance artist, colon, title bath of wetworks about how war!

AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON: You're Playing Yourself

Yes, this column is not perfect. Yes. It is most unwise and makes a mockery of either stuff that is for children or of itself by failing in its singular mission. Please to notice that making a mockery of kids’ stuff is not the problem. In and of itself it is tireless, tireless work. Evidently, not so with the Avengers!

Sure, does Age of Ultron or Avengers Two, yet another comic book movie with titular issues involving a colon, deliver? Absolutely. Thor is very Thor. Robert Downey Jr. plays a piano, so, you know, he is Tony. Everyone’s great. The whole cast sings and whoever thinks he’s directing a comic book of a script does a good job keeping the whole story with stories moving.

But honestly, is there a 4th act? Is there? Steve Rodgers we learn in the erstwhile 4th act is the super soldier who can rip apart choppable wood with his bare hands. So he can keep an Iridium or Admantium huge robot who chops off limbs if only by mistake, he can keep it busy with just a fist fight, because he’s a super boner?

Granted. Cary Granted that Chris Evans is huge. But please. This director sucks. He even made it look believable, and I’m supposed to take it with a grain of salt because the robot expressed remorse over hacking off a limp on accident and is a robot with issues? Please. THEY'RE ANGER ISSUES!

So, in closing, the robot wants to use the Avengers to drop a city-sized meteor and maybe that’s why, which is a loserish, loserish robot and does that seem realistic? NO.

So despite cool lines making anyone political look deep into themselves, you’re playing yourselves Marvel and you played the boxoffice passing this off as a Billion Dollar movie! No. Justice League: Batman versus Superman is not even in the same hemisphere.

B+/A- which is like an 89.5 in English. So try next time in English.

DOCTOR NOH: The Short Indie Student Film

AHH, Once Big Band then Drumming a people Dancing to anything but Big Band travel to the Dutch India Company behind the Dutch East India Company portents of Reagan and Racial War. (A thing young working Caucasian men with Families! (4) Communicating and inventing nothing! (Fascinating) Rooms of racial harmony older dying men With viral young women without families Gaming in games With easy odds even Lighter than Poker.

Tipping.

So that we don't have a Service Industry of gangs. An Inner Sanctum on a flirtatious gender Equality With a Single Woman who is Barren on Caucasian.

M.

(Ham) Newspaper time instead of Notes from Brown University Ivy League of laying Dead Pirates francelondon Haminventions from Caucasians! Ham-made stuff! Resumes! English Rapping Ray Partea Spygames travel famous Moviestars amid jealous, loser T.Vstars. A world without Sunglasses! (Only for the American; only Americans are casual Capitalism From Other WorkingMen With Families (4) Feint Accents From places that now sing kill the white people Jitsu From Brazil madeof Global Warming!

Things that kill. Messages. Fear. Children. Busy. Inventing! Police State! Arabia! The best! Communictionor that ends With violence! Back! In the days, When people wore suits because the planet wasn't cooking With hair-spray, clubs Where men don't Drink to spectator sports but the people in News, people who are successful without Social Media. Breaking Bread! Without Voodoo! Back! When Voodoo was Voodoo. (Not hebonics) Never hebonics, manly men with Female eyewear.

''You mean we're fighting the same war.'' - Hawaii 5.O, the Truth! Back! When rape was Teley and Teley, it was considered rude to take pictures of people. Back! Before there was repression you'll all be sorry! You! Rats! When everyone. Even Africans. Working for Big China. When Luck happened and people shook hands. Back. When. Camera. Men didn't the camera into the Sun! When. Bad people asked, 'Y.'

Where people drank Russian Vodka amid Teadrinkers from Argentina where men could accuse the likely story. When. Men had feelings to treat Trash like Trash and Check for love the only way they knew how. When. Evil. People. Behaved badly. When. Good. Guys waited and could show up even late. When. America was the land of the.

''I think they were on their way to a funeral.''

''Can assure you my intentions are strictly honorable.''

- When there was Fresh Water. - When Detective wasn't on iPhone. - When revenge was the part. - When Actions Movies NEVER went without tipping the cap. - Nanny State. - Open racism.

''World Domination that same old dream.''

Dinner With the Evil Genius and no action-movie without Ocean! Ad. Nuclear Power. And a little, itisy bitsy Madonna making a mix tape and NEVEREVER doing Nothing especially fearful in the childrens.

Maria.

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE ROGUE NATION : Barely Legal

A lot of things are wrong with this movie. Tom Cruise is the Sade Adu of movie stars and this movie flies by at like exactly 2 hours and would be called an amateur piece of like 4 stunts with a chase scene that actually works. So if you want to admit you watch or listen to Sade on fast forward - be my guest wrong. Jeremy Renner, for example. He's wrong. Or somebody's wrong and he's making sure that he is wrong which is a banking reference called Stone Wall which is, is wrong at least as wrong as this: epoch. Alex Baldwin. He's being a reclusive Democrat. That's wrong. Rebecca Ferguson in deep cover as a Swede who's a Brit that is a Swede. THE COMING WRONG!

Ving Rhames playing the sax. Wrong, wrong, wrong! It's Jeremy Renner as the trumpet of sax everytime.

And the guy responsible for that Johnny Depp movie without Angelina Jolie. (Please don't mention that to Johnny as - if he's being funny he'll ask why people keep saying that and if he's musical - the other Johnny Depp) Anyway, wrong! The writer of the Usual Suspects and the guy responsible for the first Jack Reacher - no comment - somehow maneuvered a Skydance, Alibaba, Bad Robot movie without really invoking John Woo at all - just ask Tom Cruise - wrong, wrong, wrong!

The bad guy is the best bad guy ever. (Psst - wrong)

And humor is used expertly to forward the Ethan Hunt live-wire myth that is wrong as a Gen X'er and not a Gen Y'er which - wrong - does not even even exist.

Actual events are mentioned and that is wrong and might incite violence and some how it happens.

So yeah. J.J. Mindmeld Abrams, who finessed killing Harrison Ford, robbed us of an excited Aryan soldier in the future and rebooted Star Trek with - yes - a child driving a hover craft who is hated by the President of the United States - wrong - gets to live another day as Hollywood wunderkind of Survivor 90's fame just because he's worked with Tom Sade Adu Jet Lee Cruise with a masterpiece of action movie that is now more economical on the writing/production front as a seemless Ben Barnes piece of Ben Barnes. Which is wrong! Mission Impossible 6 is rumored already on IMDb with the Swede, Cruise and Renner already banking... With no greatest bad guy ever. (Sean Harris)

Certain things that you think screw up the action - in retrospect - are perfect to the reason why this bad guy is the best bad guy ever. (Which actually is wrong cause the viewing experience is less emotional WRONG

0 is more expensive than 1 and looking into the camera is wrong Mission Impossible Rogue Nation. Wrong. It's barely legal and the world sprouted legs under a Swede, which, I might add is wrong like if you're an editor stealing the writer's writing because you think they're a hostage to Conservative Arabs and can't write about Ted 2 without getting his credit took.

So you want to see a standalone that actually is known as Mission Impossible 5 where the bad guy is clearly Tom Cruise Generation Netflix... BE MY GUEST!

TED 2: 40 Virgins And No Virgin

Sure. Fine. High brow. ... Dirty South!

Amanda Seyfried is not a b.s-artist, a con artist, a wuss who can't indelibly and remarkably perform the mimesis of a perfectly worthy and innocently talented porn star from probably the 70s that some people couldn't get to know because they didn't want to truck with... a golem.

And now that Seyfried has admitted with a talking bear and everything that she is one, we can all agree she is the Tom Cruise of porn stars if not one her own dawn self although in this one she admits to be being from a major State school with a rep the size of girl's from Sessex - who are cool and let you know when you can invoke their memory. (Seriously - there is no stigma)

There is an evocative use of boobies in a truly choreographed meat market of nerd-dom which is as hard as acting with animals or children, so it's a quality picture if one that errantly is solely made to make Amanda Siegfried somehow qualified to sing and dance with a character actress and whatever.

Ted 1, the more accurately named Ted, supposedly had a poor delivered 9/11 joke, and it might be worth watching that one first except that Ted 2 has a whole bit of being sucky at improv helper time yelling Robin Williams at comics in shit so funny I lost it crying which the kid or girlfriends should probably take part in because it'll age them beyond their years spiritually.

We await Ted 3 which'll hopefully move on from trying to save a slutty actress - golem - whatever and actually have artistic merit and the balls to call it Teddies or at least A Teddy.

But if that gets in the way of Wahlberg self-producing The Newsroom in Boston if it must be, then burn the accurate bra and end this Cold War and bullshit called most of the evening news in international - if your international - if you eat in the drink... Go fuck yourself.

BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE: No Period The Technical Masterpiece

SPOILER ALERT: Time Travel will be mentioned and for that I am invoking all caps at times and in mid-text so that you all get HOW AWKWARD THIS ALL IS.

Plus, I hate colon films.

PLUS being a technical masterpiece isn't exactly being a masterpiece. That's the moral of the story. The next line YES is and that's the end of the story FOR if the writing was WEATHER PERMITTING SO TO SPEAK and saying, ''That's the beginning of the story,'' then the thing would be A COMIC BOOK

This isn't a book. And the figurative, ''THIS,''  isn't a comic book. SO the end.

THEREFORE HENCE, the all important question OF is this film better or worse than Pacific Rim which really is a gentleman's B+ and surely should be known as an A- but for the math rep. seeps with a few off-color choices to bleed comedy from a gem, it is, unfortunately, the same because I cannot get over the beginning of the film which is easily as annoying as the How Green Is Your Valley BEGINNING. (The greatest film ever made)

So it's a technical masterpiece you say. I say that yeah it is FOR IT IS WRITTEN it is probably the greatest undercover A- in the history of time and really a fake A with the teacher being like if you keep this up and get your math cred back, then okay you who thinks I have potentially the most pretentious degree in the history of time INCLUDING DEGREES IN TIME TRAVEL WHICH TRUST ME DO EXIST TECHNICALLY.

And now a moment of silence for the misfortunate title of this film.

There.

SO look.

Was Batman v Superman Dawn of Justice worth showing to the kids? GOD yes and start with especially this if the kid needs to learn patience and understanding and like teaching yourself those things constantly instead of trying to do that to others BECAUSE THERE IS TIME TRAVEL.

Batman, Ben Affleck, takes over the D.C. directing position from the director who moves to Executive Producer of every major D.C. release in the near future. Everyone complained. It didn't make a Billion Dollars. 

Then it did, because better film really can't be made, but you have to sit through the B.S. MARVEL HEAVEN'S GATE VERSION of what is a Marvel intro to get that as someone that hasn't seen Man of Steel the O.M.G. standing, flying Jesus H. Christ awesome which doesn't need to be repeated to be refrained.