THE PRINCE OF PERSIA : What Is Yellow Cake?

The English make some of the best slaves - even before Shakespear, even in the eleventh century. And most especially for the children. They inculcate the superior attitude and are generally blissfully patient and sublimely ignorant. They have the widest eyes and the easiest laughs. Take Prince Dustan as the example. He went from runaway slave to prince by staging a passion play before the Shah. He never looked back. He taught the greatest army of Assassins English. How you ask? Within an enlightened empire, slavery is basically a pg-13 movie. So long as life's too skillful to bleed, romance too complicated to consummate, and evil's sleepless but incredibly unlucky, the hero entertains. Just so Gemme Arterton continues to elevate the British Field Agent to comedic heights. Her stoic and bickering Princess of Alamut elevates the sporting English slave to clever sacrificial pawn and chessmaster par excellence. Together, the pair of English slaves circle each other :

he - 'lift the lever'

she - 'give the dagger'

he - 'lift the lever'

she - 'give the dagger'

he - 'lift the lever'

she - 'give the dagger'

And all without yelling, screaming, or singing. Indeed, the repetitious nature of 'give the danger' writing made famous by hollywood's fools inflicts upon the richest of languages a search for silences of greater paradox than their millennia of existence in amusing vanity. Sasha Baron Cohen is but last victim of this gay and sometimes disastrous fashion.

Dustan, the English master of Nasaf, is like many Uzbeks, accomplished in engineering, the physics 'Newtonian,' and guessing ('statistics'). Of course he is most able bodied. Like his father, the Shah, he is a philosophical master and believes in giving weapons to his enemies. The Shah is a man of note : 'You must have more than implicating evidence to occupy a holy city.' English has problems with 'holy' or 'sacred.' One may easily define 'holy' or 'sacred' as 'vastly implicated,' or 'permious,' though most prefer, 'meaningful beyond hypocrisy.' Accordingly, Dustan is encouraged to be more than 'good,' but 'great,' meaning, 'statistically good' rather than just tragically good. The rest of the film follows the search for a weapon of mass destruction that would unleash an end to sand storms with something like a giant underground bomb.

So Dustan transforms from a meek English teacher -

example #1

Dustan - 'Cousin, your hand's on your sword again.'

Cousin - 'Where it should be!'

...

example #2

Dustan - 'I didn't kill father; I wouldn't do such a thing.'

Nizam - 'Your actions would say otherwise.'

- to an English teacher worthy of slow motion photoptic wizardy -

Dustan - 'A king listens to the advice of his council but always listens to his heart.'

Dustan - 'You had what every man could ever dream of having: respect and family but that was not enough... (you alone deserve death!)'

Some may object to the idea of allowing meager slaves to keep the power of the annihilation. The English are too repetitive and do not understand the changeable nature of things. They believe silence, confusion, and desperation to be the greatest solutions for ignorance. Perhaps, but they continue to consider Australia as their fate and noone else's. No English could attempt using the sands of time before falling off Australia. They are interested in carbon storage more and more.

In closing, the making of sand akins the brewing of water. Water is big business. Sand it seems is not. Ah ha, so you see Mike Newel, baking sand is and always was big business, very good. You achieved in crafting a fine movie for children who are in ignorance of boogie men and victor's demise but strangely not yellow cake.

DATE NIGHT : Compromising National Security

As the significant audience member, I like it when the terrorists aren't just whiners - when they're winners. It adds realism to the bag. Like when sometimes the terrorist must survive without killing anybody. Thanks Jesus this is considered edgy too or the terrorist would lose his draw for eternity.

Thank You, 'Date Night,' for the suggestion that, Hells Yeah, awkward is the terrorist's holy ace of many sleeves. And so awkward was cool. And so awkward made a movie of a public display of sim-robot-simul-sex to save the children to make awkward subversion and therefore terrorism. The programming of fake family drama for the Las Vegas hotel audience is subversion too and therefore terrorism. Performing the slow version because the fast version gives the snarfs is subversion, terrorism, and potentially hypnosis. So we observe lip sinking within a vacuum of entertainment as subversion too. 'Date Night,' the awkward, subverse me more. 

Thank you Mila Kunis, James Franco is not forgotten. 

Pitiful action might be awkward for the sympathetic, but relentlessly it's just too terrorist for contextualized words. Camping out concentration is a truly tried european model for killing people. And 'Date Night' proves the europeans are still wanting blood lust.

The lonely cohabitation of Tina Fey and the Brick is arrhythmically retarded enough to debase any pretense of international release by product obviously edited by the self same f.b.i. counter intelligence program that has found new life with 'straight to subtitles' major motion releases. Censoring the Brick, the wholly expressive weathervane of do-good vapidity only exposes the precarious regime of the current media monopoly and the certain changes that will surely bring more explication comedy to the world. People want to hear people in a controlled environment get on with it. Jim Carrey's naughty bottom makes more sense than all of this movie. Soothly, 'Date Night' might be the first straight to dub-over major motion dvd offering from the Americans. Time will reveal the internets ultimate decision on the quality of the out-takes.

ROBIN HOOD : For Love Of Waldeir

Robert the Loxsly is son of Waldeir Loxsly and husband to Marion of Loxsly and has gone waring never to return. When a man, poacher, scout, archer, and carnie recovers the sword of the dying Robert and the crown of the seizing Ricard, he, Robin Longstrider, must return the French objects to their English mits. He is not knave, and knows he will never get paid for walling with the dead king, Ricard the Lionhearted, long live the king. A mere mercenary would have made for the first band of rich people with the crown but Robin is English and knows a crown may only get him fartherthings.

Meanwhile, London's in peril, a French King plans to leave France to Ricard the seizer, because he has learned from experience that, '[He] can take London with an army of cooks.' So he's planning to ally his cooks with the British cooks who collect taxes and speak passible French, like Mark Strong (Godfrei). Mark Strong likens English to a gate he may speak and has much moxy. Such is the world of men into which Robin was abandoned; they all know Little. Kevin Durand plays the Little John with his famous staff.

Sir Ridley Scott recreates another wonderful baddie in the King John of England who doesn't even seem to know Little. This king takes credit for everything: 'I broke [mama's] skin more she did mine.' He believes the role of government is to encourage criminality by stealing private gains. Which is why the English are known to say, 'The King is dead, long live the King!' He can take a ribbing. So wise men in England like Friar Tuck keep wonderful things like bees: 'I keep them and they keep me.' Friar Tuck must make happy drunks who will only steal from themselves in this Dark Age.

Waldeir the Loxsly is blind. He cannot keep the crown from stealing English seeds to plant French crops even though such behavior will clearly lead to a French cook crusade. But Robin does with his band buzzed Merry Men. Robin plays a catchy defender of bridges. 'None shall pass,' is line that will board many in England. Waldeir teaches Robin that he can learn to carve stone but first he must learn to carve paper since he has already learned to carve people. Sir Godfrei the French rascal kills Waldeir Loxsly as the sacking of London commences with the sacking of Northerly villages. The greatly motivated Robin faces the scared King John and makes him promise to promise to stop over taxing. So the Northern English come to rescue the Southern English from the French Marines. John is so happy everything worked out that he decides to redouble his efforts and make Robin the permanent outlaw Robin Hood to force him to spend all his days carving wood.