MISSION IMPOSSIBLE ROGUE NATION : Barely Legal

A lot of things are wrong with this movie. Tom Cruise is the Sade Adu of movie stars and this movie flies by at like exactly 2 hours and would be called an amateur piece of like 4 stunts with a chase scene that actually works. So if you want to admit you watch or listen to Sade on fast forward - be my guest wrong. Jeremy Renner, for example. He's wrong. Or somebody's wrong and he's making sure that he is wrong which is a banking reference called Stone Wall which is, is wrong at least as wrong as this: epoch. Alex Baldwin. He's being a reclusive Democrat. That's wrong. Rebecca Ferguson in deep cover as a Swede who's a Brit that is a Swede. THE COMING WRONG!

Ving Rhames playing the sax. Wrong, wrong, wrong! It's Jeremy Renner as the trumpet of sax everytime.

And the guy responsible for that Johnny Depp movie without Angelina Jolie. (Please don't mention that to Johnny as - if he's being funny he'll ask why people keep saying that and if he's musical - the other Johnny Depp) Anyway, wrong! The writer of the Usual Suspects and the guy responsible for the first Jack Reacher - no comment - somehow maneuvered a Skydance, Alibaba, Bad Robot movie without really invoking John Woo at all - just ask Tom Cruise - wrong, wrong, wrong!

The bad guy is the best bad guy ever. (Psst - wrong)

And humor is used expertly to forward the Ethan Hunt live-wire myth that is wrong as a Gen X'er and not a Gen Y'er which - wrong - does not even even exist.

Actual events are mentioned and that is wrong and might incite violence and some how it happens.

So yeah. J.J. Mindmeld Abrams, who finessed killing Harrison Ford, robbed us of an excited Aryan soldier in the future and rebooted Star Trek with - yes - a child driving a hover craft who is hated by the President of the United States - wrong - gets to live another day as Hollywood wunderkind of Survivor 90's fame just because he's worked with Tom Sade Adu Jet Lee Cruise with a masterpiece of action movie that is now more economical on the writing/production front as a seemless Ben Barnes piece of Ben Barnes. Which is wrong! Mission Impossible 6 is rumored already on IMDb with the Swede, Cruise and Renner already banking... With no greatest bad guy ever. (Sean Harris)

Certain things that you think screw up the action - in retrospect - are perfect to the reason why this bad guy is the best bad guy ever. (Which actually is wrong cause the viewing experience is less emotional WRONG

0 is more expensive than 1 and looking into the camera is wrong Mission Impossible Rogue Nation. Wrong. It's barely legal and the world sprouted legs under a Swede, which, I might add is wrong like if you're an editor stealing the writer's writing because you think they're a hostage to Conservative Arabs and can't write about Ted 2 without getting his credit took.

So you want to see a standalone that actually is known as Mission Impossible 5 where the bad guy is clearly Tom Cruise Generation Netflix... BE MY GUEST!

TED 2: 40 Virgins And No Virgin

Sure. Fine. High brow. ... Dirty South!

Amanda Seyfried is not a b.s-artist, a con artist, a wuss who can't indelibly and remarkably perform the mimesis of a perfectly worthy and innocently talented porn star from probably the 70s that some people couldn't get to know because they didn't want to truck with... a golem.

And now that Seyfried has admitted with a talking bear and everything that she is one, we can all agree she is the Tom Cruise of porn stars if not one her own dawn self although in this one she admits to be being from a major State school with a rep the size of girl's from Sessex - who are cool and let you know when you can invoke their memory. (Seriously - there is no stigma)

There is an evocative use of boobies in a truly choreographed meat market of nerd-dom which is as hard as acting with animals or children, so it's a quality picture if one that errantly is solely made to make Amanda Siegfried somehow qualified to sing and dance with a character actress and whatever.

Ted 1, the more accurately named Ted, supposedly had a poor delivered 9/11 joke, and it might be worth watching that one first except that Ted 2 has a whole bit of being sucky at improv helper time yelling Robin Williams at comics in shit so funny I lost it crying which the kid or girlfriends should probably take part in because it'll age them beyond their years spiritually.

We await Ted 3 which'll hopefully move on from trying to save a slutty actress - golem - whatever and actually have artistic merit and the balls to call it Teddies or at least A Teddy.

But if that gets in the way of Wahlberg self-producing The Newsroom in Boston if it must be, then burn the accurate bra and end this Cold War and bullshit called most of the evening news in international - if your international - if you eat in the drink... Go fuck yourself.

BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE: No Period The Technical Masterpiece

SPOILER ALERT: Time Travel will be mentioned and for that I am invoking all caps at times and in mid-text so that you all get HOW AWKWARD THIS ALL IS.

Plus, I hate colon films.

PLUS being a technical masterpiece isn't exactly being a masterpiece. That's the moral of the story. The next line YES is and that's the end of the story FOR if the writing was WEATHER PERMITTING SO TO SPEAK and saying, ''That's the beginning of the story,'' then the thing would be A COMIC BOOK

This isn't a book. And the figurative, ''THIS,''  isn't a comic book. SO the end.

THEREFORE HENCE, the all important question OF is this film better or worse than Pacific Rim which really is a gentleman's B+ and surely should be known as an A- but for the math rep. seeps with a few off-color choices to bleed comedy from a gem, it is, unfortunately, the same because I cannot get over the beginning of the film which is easily as annoying as the How Green Is Your Valley BEGINNING. (The greatest film ever made)

So it's a technical masterpiece you say. I say that yeah it is FOR IT IS WRITTEN it is probably the greatest undercover A- in the history of time and really a fake A with the teacher being like if you keep this up and get your math cred back, then okay you who thinks I have potentially the most pretentious degree in the history of time INCLUDING DEGREES IN TIME TRAVEL WHICH TRUST ME DO EXIST TECHNICALLY.

And now a moment of silence for the misfortunate title of this film.

There.

SO look.

Was Batman v Superman Dawn of Justice worth showing to the kids? GOD yes and start with especially this if the kid needs to learn patience and understanding and like teaching yourself those things constantly instead of trying to do that to others BECAUSE THERE IS TIME TRAVEL.

Batman, Ben Affleck, takes over the D.C. directing position from the director who moves to Executive Producer of every major D.C. release in the near future. Everyone complained. It didn't make a Billion Dollars. 

Then it did, because better film really can't be made, but you have to sit through the B.S. MARVEL HEAVEN'S GATE VERSION of what is a Marvel intro to get that as someone that hasn't seen Man of Steel the O.M.G. standing, flying Jesus H. Christ awesome which doesn't need to be repeated to be refrained.

STAR TREK: INTO DARKNESS : For Love of Tom Cruise!

Watched Jan. 1, 2015, Star Trek is a Sky Dance is Tom Cruise: mis(sTEAK)!

Few franchises can survive the white heat of Tom Cruise and Sky Dance,
you're short film? I. Don't. Think So! (The intro)

Yeah. The film is obviously about Acqua Vit. (Sky Dance you're a Climate Change Sposoon)

Blue floating ghostwriter Jack Malinowski did predict a Polish Oscar nomination in 2014. You're a Scandanavian joke, Sky Dance! (Somehow you failed not to telegraph your name: Tom Cruise)

The Intro! (Which Star Wars really must have)

Grey and White and hidden Yellow reveries of Chocolate Tom Cruise allow the Star Trek mastery of Hello to be, ''It's miracle,'' ''There are no such things,'' to be! To be a list of finely defined camo - yeah. Most people new this movie would be about Acqua Vit and there's Tom Cruise is Flash Light camo harping on Superman and Reeves and this 4Robin Brit Robin4!

Wind 2 is totally going to be under arrest! (And Tom Cruise is currently, publically gaining a studio)

 ''No ship shall go down without her Captain.'' (Right again!

The story begins. (Nice) Good music choices. (Mr. Cruise) My copy contained: ''Call me back.'' Clearly withheld in post you dreadnaught 2 times the size and 3 times the speed, Mr. Cruise.

This Brit Sherlock Robin4 Holmes 4Robin is so Khan. You should make him Khan and then bring back the Ausie. (Tom Cruise owner of SkyDance)

Oh, Simon Pegg. Totally!

''Whereon upon I will freeze die and explode.''

'''''Woe, woe, woe this dead is very we,'' and so on you said remotely, son.'''

(You like them, Mr. Cruise, they mean paraphrase)

Chekov... Put on a red sweter... Is the plot.

Adult content of humor quite brilliant with a fag and Ahura.

Klingon displayed as the overlord - correct... Still for children... Curious children... Playing games... with trillions... So Klingon as Norsemen!!! (Tom Sky Dance Crusie wrote that %100) (Sic.

Still, page 60 is still too page 15, Mr. Ruise! (Sic.

Khan. Scottie. Scottie. Khan. (Duh)

So you see Mr. Cruise we all have blind spots.

Reviewing Star Trek is a mortal sin. My opinion. What do you think?

''Kyle.'' Wrong, I am back in reincarnation exactly as foretold. (Working for Jack Malinowski)
Traitor? Mutinous? Christian as a Rabin? In French: province! (Glowing Blue Eyed Klingons)
GLOWING BLUE EYED KLINGONS GLOWING BLUE EYED KLINGONS
IS
   HOW
            YOU
                    TALK
                             WITH
                                       TOM sky dance CRUISE

ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE GREEN EYES AT THE MOST (i actually do work for Jack Malinowski and arabs so back off)

Yes. As predicted: nice snake. (The remastered  Sky Dance portfolio of mis-STEAK) {The short film.}

Warp wash music and flat light... (More J.J. Abrams is wearing stupid clothing in the wrong Scout mob)

Bones magnificent... Carl Urban is the stuff. Renegades does include fine, blue steel...(40 Love) Game. Set. Match. Tom Cruise re-christened U2 the X-Ambassadors OFSPAIN!(Sky Dance you fop and cheater)

: ) Native Son NYC = 0 )

Let us guess together that this was called... Wind Too... (The movie)

Planetoid getting marked as Mr Chekov Did You Ruin My Ship? (Nice)

Yes 4 is unlucky Mr Cruise.

Though your Jack Reacher may be the most perfect bit of alchemy perfected on the flat round screen... lkasjd;fkln w
r g
wf asp

My name is Kyle.

''I watched you open fire on a room of unarmed Star Fleet officers.'' (Polish Mistake)

''Punch it''

So this is how you kept...

''If you think you're safe at warp, your wrong.'' (Told you so)

The Title Shot is mine and ours Tom Cruise. I work for Jack Malinowski!

So all in all. This movie is Korean perfection. Except the uniforms at the end. (Korea has shitty procreation rate is bunch of men in tights)

B+ and worse than Pacific Rim.

SALT : A Charlie Rose Chiwetel Ejiofor Explosion

Previously withheld from Eternal External
(September of International Release)

 
''Yet another blacksploitation film from the Americans at least features Africans this time around.

In this effort, the common troupe of the Russian double agent posing as a British actor is coupled with the master of intrigue - the international Phoenician.

It might be said that a limited array of quay-hugging Phoenicians adds diversity to the Black on White realism Americans so often claim to dominate. However, not since John Singleton's 'Shaft,' has there been such a missed opportunity for an Arab to step to the fore and speak some peace to take the occidental plot out of yet another exhibit of martial-arts-envy. On the other hand, 'Salt,' does succeed in evoking 'Men In Black,'s 'Man in Black.'

The hero who shoots to kill only at Blond girls, because they read manuals is finally fingered as an autonomous and self-governing agent with his own helicopter who doesn't mind shooting into a crowd to bag whitey. 

This is truly a momentous day of existentialism for the American cinema. Moreover, the 'Man in Black,' is equipped with a brain scanning veracity machine which means he may not have to spare any array of nude, teeth bearing extra-terrestrials, because he will suddenly read incisored behavior as wrongful.

Still, 'Salt,'s 'Man in Black,' seems boorishly, thuggishly, and insularly nonArab for personifying such an obviously African - American institution as National Security.

Drawing a firearm to shoot bullets into a crowd of capitalists in the states would cause reprisal the world over even if it might not get any unusual suspects canned. Which is not in keeping with NSA protocol. You see, the world needs capitalists to keep buying, to keep pushing the frontiers of addition and other theoretical math-ematics. If the NSA character was more Arab - perhaps he might warn the valuable bystanders before firing into their midst because capitalists are a rare commodity too.

By acting like a capitalist, the NSA sentinel might further his end goal of national security while creating the illusion of an accountable government job and thus hold multiple pensions.

Obviously, Ms. Jolie did not realize complete control of this project because the film exhibits institutionalized unprofessional behavior that condones rampant unaffirmed action like a monopoly on the institution of racism.''

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 3: Trek Wars The Making

Yes. In Hollywood, as in all lands of white water, black ink is quite dry. Such is life with directors! Actors know this. Private citizens? Why sort of. Directors comes with an s. Just like Mission Impossible 3, which supposedly was directed by a young man who runs Television since the Millenium turned during the Survivor series, the invigorated Star Trek film series and, now, Disney's Star Wars.

No. Wait. George Lucus? Not included! Bill Gates? (He's hard to escape) {There is a Solo movie.} [Anyway, as you can see... the writer of Top Gun... Tom Cruise... is now directing.]

 Which is probably why Mission Impossible 3 is a masterpiece. Gone is John H or No H Wu's slow motion and 90s invasive close ups for the Oil revolution of beepers, mobile phones that shall be called cells and P.R., P.R., P.R.! Hello, the talent, the plot the and evil, sinister practice of post-911 geo-political powerplays.

Philip Seymour Hoffman is evil!

Tom Cruise? Well, basically, but he makes a great case for why most of the time it pays to be.

Jonathan Rhys Meyers - the British John Travolata - is in this movieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Kerri Russel the brains? Kerri Russel is the brains!

Ving Rhames? Is in this movie which is all about team-work, timing and, something that really doesn't happen anymore in Main Stream Boxoffice: a rigorously performed script about timing, timing and even more timing until it becomes so uncomfortable that you, and you alone the obvious writer and director of this master-piece of Tom Cruise-approved cinema suggest that you are, like, living in a movie - like.

So Larry Fishburne is the picture. The guy behind the guy behind the guy? Yeah, well, that might also be Billy Crudup! Bam!

Is the hokiness gone from this series that frankly gets to be put it anywhere, because Americans know better than anybody when serious stuff gets corny and besides the point and that, by and large, most Shadenfreude practitioners are awkward - somewhere - and that unfortunately rubs off.

So this is a good review. There are only a few on this blog so shoot me!

Are all Tom Cruise movies truly great? (Yes)

366
~

THE EDGE OF TOMORROW : Time Travel Is Time Consuming

Sometimes Americans really aren't allowed around. Not so much with a Tom Cruise movie. Especially one directed by Brown man Doug Liman.

Liman's a great director who's touched everything from the love song of Brad Pitt - the hardest man in show business - to Swingers. (About California transplants sifting through the glory of serial monogamy) {It's the best!}

The Edge of Tomorrow really is a masterpiece that hits hard in the gut and reminds you that Americans, perhaps, do have a point that time-travel is possible if, say, they can convince you that a meeting of species can confuse God, the Universe profoundly.

If a new species shares its lighting concept of everything in such a way as to confuse, perfectly, the Universe itself by coincidentally mind melding a brain that shares time and space but not God as all the aforementioned things perfectly with one that resists it in a uniquely spiritual and, perhaps, lucky - way - then maybe God will play the battle of wits out in his immense test-tube without, presumably, so many inter-planetary meetings as to wreck God's plan? (He'd have to reconfigure matter)

Comparing time-travel to the immensity of the Universe through the miracle of shared lighting - brain - certainly changes things, and it is all shared wonderfully in Jack Malinowski's beautifully ironic 2012 Blogger novella The Lightspeed Documentary. (He pays my ransom money to free me to watch flat-screens in color that speak English so I have to mention that)

The Edge of Tomorrow is a 2014 movie.

Inter-species mind melding that bends space to such an extent as to commodify time it-self was already broached by the 2013 Pacific Rim. (I don't know if Jack Malinowski owns the rites, he only pays for me to be freed to do this and nothing else)

The point is The Edge of Tomorrow really is a masterpiece.

It's too bad Tom Cruise doesn't vividly explain cross-species mind meld as a way to endanger the Universes contiguity and promote reconfiguration of all matter somewhere perfectly to simulate time-travel. He probably could. Tom Cruise's a good man who does good things like star in and produce movies and fund successful churches in Europe. (Which is truly difficult) The whole movie calls for an adult relationship to science and a hive, military mentality to the truth.

Emily Blunt does explain that Tom Cruise is a good man in the movie by saying so. Perhaps she does this because they share a faith in particle physics which is a science so grandiose it caused me to curse, ''Not another Time Travel movie! That's impossible!''

But Emily Blunt and Tom Cruise's share a respect for a science so profound they'll kill each other just to stay alive and further another time-traveling mission, which doesn't sound so stupid once it's basically explained as a meeting of minds from a dominant new mind with a new dominant hive and therefore a new God and a new organic reality that is related to metal and yet not quite a master of it like humans. So there!

War is hell. Hell might also be a slippery slope going ever so slowly backwards in time from the last thing you couldn't accomplish. But it's probably being banished to a terrible planet by an all-powerful God once having lost to an ugly alien. So we must fight to be harmoniously replaceable and invisible like robots so that unlike robots we may time-travel!

Americans are incredibly scientific and a little bit faithful to their ability to get a possible one on one relationship with God - the definitive creator - and - so far - it's hard to disprove. The Edge of Tomorrow is so bad-ass it could be an entire G.I. Joe comic-book of the future.